I know, I should be doing homework . . . but my mom gave me a copy of the Ensign today and told me it had articles in it for me ... "Having the confidence to marry"
When I first got divorced there was nothing in the world that I wanted more than to get married and have kids. In my mind I imagined some sweet returned missionary with glasses, and quite frankly a nerd. I had my "stepford husband" all planned out. You know, the sunday school answers for the perfect husband. I would have done anything to get that, so I went to a single's ward (even the name makes me feel squemish) and I felt completely awkward! Only my friends knew that I was divorced, other than that I did not advertise that information. As I watched all of the guys (boys) in the ward I realized that there had to be more out there ... how could I settle for a guy who still lived with his mom? Yes, I know that I moved back in with my parents, but that isn't the point that I am trying to make.
These boys were just that, and they seemed to have no life experiences, to put it lightly they were dull. Anytime someone talked in church it seemed to be a contest to see how many times they could bring up their mission in class. That was all they knew how to talk about.
After reading the articles in the Ensign today I realized that I no longer have that strong desire to get married. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be married again and eventually have little tow-headed kids running around. I can't wait to be driving a carpool in my SUV and other soccer mom-ish accesories, but I always thought that having the perfect husband would make my life complete. I know now that it is just the beginning, I cannot rely on someone else to make me happy!! I need to work on becoming the person that I want to be, the person that I am destined to be, not waiting for that special someone to come and sweep me off my feet and make me happy.
I have learned time and time again, things don't work on my timeline, I have to trust that things are happening at certain times for certain reasons. Come what may and love it!! And I'm trying to do just that, my life is far from what I thought it would be, but I wouldn't change it for a second. I wouldn't be where I'm at today without everything that I have gone through and I know I complain way more than I should, and I know that I let people drive me crazy with even the tiniest things, but I really am blessed in my life and can't imagine ever having taken a different path.
